its over.

the deployment that is. i realize that hubby came home in late november but in january we were surprised with information about post-deployment training and the yellow ribbon ceremonies. something we did not know was coming. it ended up being three different events in orlando. needless to say we did the events out of order. january was event seven and was considered "soldier only". this event was for ninety day post-deployment even though jesse had been home around sixty days. february was event five and was a family event. this event was for thirty days post-deployment even though there was only a two week gap between the january event and the february event. this past weekend was event six and was also a family event. it was for sixty days post-deployment. it was our third and final event. this deployment can finally be put in the past. it is a life experience that i will always value but its so good to move on. i'm sure there will be other deployments in the future but until then we can just enjoy being married and try to prepare ourselves for the miracle that will arrive this fall.

he's home.

its official. we (me, my in-laws, and his aunt buffy) picked up my wonderful husband at the nashville airport monday evening. yea i know, that makes me horribly behind on posting this but its been a busy week. for all of the "is he home for good?" questions, this is the end of this deployment. we do not know when he will deploy again. hopefully it will be a few years and he'll be able to get through school first. but i'm just excited to have him home. i am well aware that i married a soldier and that at any time the army could say he needs him again but for a little while he is mine. sadly i still have a job and i'm still in school. soon he will have to find a job and will start back to school in the fall sememster. it will take a great deal of adjustment to find the flow of this new life together but we are ready for the challenge. well, as ready as we'll ever be. thankfully we have a God that will carry us through. this deployment was a wonderful learning experience that i know was given to us for a reason. even if i'm not sure what its purpose was, it is over. God proved himself, even though he shouldn't have had to, and has given me a new hope as jesse and i face more unknowns. i want to thank all who supported us through this difficult time, you were all blessings from God. and i want to thank God for my wonderful husband and for bringing him back safely to me.

oh so true...

so i found this icon online and agree with it completely! i've had phone calls go exactly like that lol. they may be simple and limited and rushed but they are so important and in the end, its just nice to hear your soldier's voice.
but i'm still so excited that this deployment is almost over!

phone call from the United States!

my dear hubby is back in our home country! he still has a little bit of work to do before getting back home with me but hopefully its just a matter of days now. i'm so excited! it was so nice to get a call from his cell phone last night. its been a long time. since may 12th to be exact. i'm so happy he's so close to being home and yet i know these days leading up to him being home are going to be torture. oh well, my husband is worth it.

phone call from kuwait!

well since i'm trying to play by military rules here, i'm not going to tell you exactly when my wonderful husband got to kuwait but i woke up to the phone call i was hoping for! the journey home has begun. we have been looking forward to this for about a year now and i'm so excited to know that jesse should be home by the end of the month. i love waking up to phone calls from my husband, even if he does pick on me for still being asleep.

and pictures to prove it...

the front of the card.

the inside of the card. i covered the left side for security reasons. he gave me dates i'm not allowed to post.

and the letter...i covered the paragraph i didn't post for privacy reasons due to the mention of another soldier.

hope you guys enjoy...

oh the joys of tangible mail!

last night i recieved my first hand written letter from hubby from iraq. this will probably be the only mail i get during this deployment since homecoming is drawing so near and it took this letter (and a wonderful card that is much more difficult to post) almost a month to get to me. here it is...

October 15, 2009 2:00am

Hello my love,

Ok so once again I am sitting and trying to write this letter that I will probably see you open. I can't think of too much to say and yet some how I feel like I have so much to say. Maybe its just that I don't know where to start nor have I thought much about what to say.

I do know to say that you are a blessing in my life and I could not do this without you back home. You are amazing and the reason I am the way I am.

I don't have too much to say about this deployment. It has been interesting. That's probably the best way for me to put it. Probably the best thing that has happened was me being sent out to the COP. And to think that I hated the idea when I first heard it.

**deleted paragraph due to mention of other soldiers that i don't feel is my place to repost**

Well its not much but its a letter. I will try to write again to you but for now this is the best I can do.

Your loving Husband

its official!

i got a letter in the mail tonight from the 351st FRG leader telling me that the deployment is coming to an end! not that the letter gave me any more details than i already knew thanks to my wonderful husband keeping me more informed than he should but it is wonderful to have a tangible letter backing up the timeline jesse has given me. the best part was how many times the letter said "as always things are subject to change", at least the army knows that they rarely keep the first schedule lol. it brought tears to my eyes reading the letter and the newsletter enclosed. i'm so ready for homecoming! even if he is coming home during one of the busiest times of the year.

so it happened...

jesse moved and is no longer in mosul. he is now in tal afar which is about thirty to thirty-five miles west of mosul. but right now he's not in tal afar cause he's on his way to qatar for a four day leave. i got TWO calls from him yesterday which was wonderful and much needed. i pretty much cried through both of them. not only have i been pretty stressed and exhausted this weekend but i was just so overwhelmed to hear his voice that i couldn't help it. i love my husband! but keep him in your prayers. there is a situation he has been debating about. i really can't tell you what it is, not until we know the final results but he's really torn on what to do and needs all the help he can get. he knows he has my support no matter what decision he makes but the decision has to be his.

relocation.

no i'm not moving but it seems my husband is. he told me he would be remaining in iraq but instead of being in mosul, his unit will be moving to the syrian border. however, we have no idea when this move will happen. he also talked about a possible extension. the move is for sure, the extension is just a rumor for now. i guess this means jesse will be put back into a platoon. i know which platoon he is hoping for and i really hope he gets assigned into that one. not sure how mail or communication will work after the relocation, guess we'll just wait and see. please keep not just my husband but all the troops in your prayers!

easy.

days like yesterday make it all too easy to miss hubby. at church, at least a handful of people usually ask "how is jesse?" which i expect. but yesterday there were more questions i don't usually expect like "where is he?", "how long has he been gone?", "how much longer will he be gone?", and my favorite "isn't it hard?". and just all of the other questions from people who missed the explanation the first time around. having to remember how little we've seen each other tends to pull at the heart strings. especially with the two facts i give to summarize our relationship..."we've been together three years and the longest we've been in the same state at the same time is about three months" and "we've been married seven months and have seen each other forty-five days in that seven months". usually i'm okay at just rattling off the facts but yesterday i processed them before i could stop myself. its just rough sometimes.

email love letter.

sunday morning i received the best love letter from my dear husband in my email and i want to share it with you. i have edited it a little bit because grammar and spelling are not hubby's strong suit. i hope you enjoy...

Hello my love,
This is the letter I wish I could write and send to you, but due to issues here with the mail it could honestly get to you after my return. So I hope you can settle for this. I plan to pick up writing in my journal. I finally received your letter my love. It reminded me that I never really told you how much you mean to me. In an odd time in my life you became a light in the darkness. It took me a while to figure out that the light I was seeing was not you, my love, it was a life with the Lord. Though I thought myself a good man up to that point, I still had many sins on my heart and much pain in my soul. You became the Lord's doorway to my life. Without you I never would have found the hope or happiness I have when I go to church. I was lost, but now I'm found. I still miss you a lot and find myself sad because I cannot be the strength you need from day to day. Nor can you be the support I wish I could have. However, I am finding it easier to bear day by day in my prayer and study of the bible, which sadly is just beginning but i do see things improving. I have found my peace that I have not had in a while.
I still miss my church very much. I do not feel the complete comfort of God that I often do during a church service but I am getting by pretty well. I don't attend the church services here. Instead I try to listen to the CDs I have. The one regret I have on those CDs is that they do not include the praise and worship. To me that is a major part of my time at church. Mostly because during that time is the largest time I spend truly talking and listening to the Lord. It's when he speaks to me most, when I feel most in touch with him.
Do not worry about me, my love, I am fine and safe. I fear no evil for our Lord is with me. He comforts me when I grow weak and fall into despair. I am safe my love for in my heart I feel he wishes nothing to happen to me because my work for the Lord is not finished.
You are the love of my life and I would be lost without you. You made me a very lucky, very happy man and I can never repay you for that.

...i love my hubby. this letter was in reply to a letter i sent him that finally got through. they have been having mail issues so i'm not sure if i will ever get a letter that i don't have to print out. and as far as the CDs he is talking about, he has CD copies of sermons from our church. needless to say, i am so proud of how hubby is handling this deployment. he makes me feel so loved!!

embrace.

last night's church service was exactly what i needed.
one of the hardest things about my husband being deployed is that when i don't feel well or i'm stressed and overwhelmed, i have no one to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. he can try his best to soothe me on the phone or in an email but sometimes thats just not enough. as a woman, sometimes i need the physical contact of my husbands arms wrapped around me and the way he gently kisses my forehead. well here lately school and allergies has wiped me out so last night at church i knelt down on my knees and prayed to God for peace (as has been normal since my husband's mobilization) but something was different. as usual i got the wave of peace that can only come from God but i literally felt his arms wrap around me. God knew that i was longing for my husband's embrace and he satisfied that need. i serve an amazing God. no one else could step in and fill that void but i serve a God that can.
needless to say i LOVE being a child of God!

one month until...

a month from today i should be waking up with hubby again. it will only last a short fourteen days but it will be so nice. we've already planned a few things for while he is home. we will be looking at cars because my car is nearing its end. we will be going to the opening day of the renaissance festival. i'm excited because last year jesse bought me a costume so i'll get to wear it this year. i just need to figure out what shoes to wear cause whatever i pick will get super dusty. then we plan to go to chattanooga and rock city after i'm done with finals. in case you're wondering, i took the entire two weeks he is supposed to be home off of work. i can't drop school but i plan to spend as much time with him as possible this time. this will be the first leave i have taken off work because it will be his last leave until the deployment is over.
but i need to be getting ready for work now. i get to meet miss kate tonight! i'm so excited!! i'll post pictures hopefully.

the journey has begun.

i know that jesse was activated back in november. his mobilization date was november 30th to be exact. that is when his deployment began. at least thats when the army says his deployment began. but for me, the deployment began today, this very evening, when i got off the phone with him so that he could board the plane. i don't know where all he will lay over between now and when he finally makes it to kuwait. honestly, i told him i didn't want to know til after the fact. but it all feels so surreal right now. i feel like its a dream and tomorrow morning i'll wake up and get his "good morning my love" text as normal. but i know i won't. he'll be off somewhere even farther away than new jersey. i didn't think it would hit me this hard. i guess i figured i would take it in stride like any other day. but i didn't. oh have the tears fallen. i haven't cried like this since january 2nd. oh well. a few months from now this really will be just another day. and a year from now, everyday like this will be summed up in one word..."deployment"...as i laugh off the memory until i have to face it again. but for now i am off to sleep. i have a long impatient week ahead of me...

the time has come...

so i'm super nervous right now. jesse will be leaving the country sometime next week. he'll be going to kuwait first for a couple of weeks, then on to iraq. its something we've been waiting for for over a month but now that its so close, its nerve wracking. i hope that the travel goes well. i won't get to know he's leaving until the day of and i won't be allowed to share with you guys. sorry. but i just ask that you keep him in your prayers. i think i will feel less nervous once he has made it to iraq but only time will tell.

letter.

husband got the letter! most of you probably don't know what i'm talking about but all in all its good news. he's been stranded in new jersey and this letter lets him leave for iraq. that doesn't sound like good news but it is. this letter allows him to catch up with his unit. he'll get to work along side soldiers he has trained with and trusts. plus the sooner he leaves, the sooner he gets to come home. its weird to be excited but i am. i'm just glad that everything is getting back on track.

such a strange feeling.

today jesse called me with an update. the doctor cleared him! the anti-inflammatory drugs seemed to do their job. right now he is busy running around getting everything thing together and they're even working on getting him his final orders. right now there is a really good chance that he'll get to catch up with his unit in country. but i have to admit, the excitement i felt was unexpected. to hear my husband overjoyed about leaving the country to go fight the war on terrorism caused me to feel quite torn. i am thrilled that he is better. i'm estatic that he is happy. but he's still leaving. i actually shed tears of joy to hear him say he was cleared. i definitely didn't expect that.

its weird how you can cope when faced with difficult trials. it devestated me when jesse told me he would be deploying. now a mere nine months later, i'm excited that he is "getting to leave." jesse and i talked about it and i decided that due to me being such a structured person, i'm really just excited about everything going according to plan. i like plans and schedules. thats rough when dealing with the military because everything is always subject to change. i could deal with the deployment because there was a timeline. but when he got injured, all the facts i had gotten used to were in jeopardy. now everything is back to "normal." even though he's leaving...i'm excited. it feels so odd.

i guess i was meant to be a military wife.

round two.

jesse goes to the doctor again today. of course we're hoping that they will figure out what is wrong and they will find a way to make it better. yea so we may be hoping for too much but he's been in pain for over a month now. its time for them to make it stop. cause they should have fixed it a month ago. its getting quite frustrating to know that my husband is in pain and they aren't doing anything about it. sure they keep sending him to doctors for check-ups and treatments but they still haven't diagnosed the problem so their treatments are just guesses. i hope we finally get some real answers today. please keep him in your prayers. thank you.

january 2nd.

a day i will never forget. its a first that we all knew would come just never thought it would be so soon. my wonderful husband went back to ft. dix, new jersey. i had the bittersweet task of taking him to the airport. it was nice to have the closure. to watch him walk away. but at the same time watching him walk away broke my heart because i know he won't be the same person when he returns. i hope he's mostly the man i married but i can't expect him to be exactly the same after iraq. if he completes his 400 days, training included, (he is determined that he'll come home early but i'm not counting on it) i won't see him for almost exactly a year. that scares me. our marriage is so new and so vulnerable. at this point all we can do is trust God. if we try to do this ourselves it will surely fail. please keep him in your prayers.

change of direction:
as most of you know jesse and i are newlyweds. we got married on october 30, 2008. if you'd asked us in september when we were getting married we would have said may of 2010. well then we changed our minds and arranged to get married the very next month. this confused people greatly. i know because lots of people asked the infamous "why?" well now i've finally figured out my answer. at first i wasn't sure how to explain our decision to other people. we prayed about it and felt that God approved so that was all that mattered. but other people didn't get that. it took talking to a couple of regular customers at work, who are now retired from the military, for me to realize why i had decided to reconsider the idea of getting married before jesse deployed. this is the answer i've decided on...
i wanted to marry the man i fell in love with and learn how to love his changes than to marry i man i didn't remember.
does that make sense now? not that it really matters now that we are legally husband and wife and he's gone but sadly i can't help but care what others think sometimes.

well this is how my day has gone. lots of thinking and some tears. i hope everyone is having a wonderful start to 2009. mine has definately been memorable...