Miss Zoe is Here! (Home Birth Story)

Yes, my sweet precious little one finally made her appearance.  Zoe Madelon joined the world Thursday, October 18th at 7:38am.  She weighed 7lbs4oz and is 19.75in long.

She is waving hi!

Her big sister absolutely adores her.

Want to know what the birth was like?  Keep reading...

I guess I should start with the evening before.  It was Wednesday, October 17th.  I was six days past my due date but had big plans.  Since I was still pregnant and it was the first day of early voting, I decided I would go ahead and get voting out of the way.  Of course my toddler was along for the ride.  Voting went much faster than I expected so we had some time to kill before church.  We went to McDonald's and had a fun last little girls outing.  Then we headed off to church.  I asked my friend/doula Susan if she could arrive at church early to work on the pressure points in my feet to see if we could encourage labor.  She quickly realized my ankles were very swollen.  She told me I should drink as much water as possible and text my midwife to let her know.  I did as I was told and by the end of church the swelling was starting to go down.  I stopped by the store on the way home to check my blood pressure and it was high but still within the normal range.  I talked to my midwife and we decided that since I wasn't having any other issues and I already had a prenatal scheduled for Thursday afternoon we could wait it out but she asked to move the appointment up to the morning just to be safe.  I was having contractions but that was nothing new so I just went about business as usual.  I put my daughter to bed, read my Bible, and then went to sleep myself.  The contractions were getting more uncomfortable but I was tired and just wanted to sleep.  This was around 11:30pm.  Every time I would have a contraction I would wake up and look at the clock.

Finally at 2am I realized I really wasn't getting much sleep and that I'd been looking at the clock every 6-7 minutes.  I decided it was time to get up and let my midwife know.  I called Elisha (my midwife) and Susan to let them know I thought I was in labor.  Even though I still thought it was pretty early I decided to have them come on over since I knew it would take my midwife at least an hour to get to me.  Of course this whole time I was on yahoo instant messenger with my husband.  We were both hoping I hadn't called them out in the middle of the night for a false alarm.  I had been having contractions since 33wks but these were definitely different.  We were hopeful but afraid to get our hopes up too high.

Susan arrived around 2:30am.  I was bouncing on my exercise ball in a dark living room on the computer with hubby.  We just sat around and talked.  She would rub my back through contractions.  We did a little bit of straightening up (I had big plans to clean Thursday morning and it was looking like that wasn't going to happen).  Elisha arrived around 3am.  She took my blood pressure which was still higher than we would like but still technically within a safe range.  She said we would just wait and see and try not to worry about it unless we had to.  So I just labored.  We all sat around in the dark.  I could not tolerate a sitting position during a contraction.  I would either kneel up against something or get on my hands and knees.

Finally around 5am I felt like the tub sounded good.  Elisha asked if I wanted to be checked before getting in and I did.  I was between 5-6cm and still seemed to be tolerating things well so Elisha suggested I hold off on the tub until things were a little harder because getting in the tub can slow things down.  I was okay with the suggestion and tried to stick it out a little longer.  I think I lasted about a half an hour before I decided I wanted in the tub (I had lost all sense of time at this point).  Honestly, I was hoping things would slow down a little bit.  My knees and legs were getting tired from me spending so much time either kneeling or up moving around.  The lack of sleep was also catching up to me.

I got in the much anticipated tub but it wasn't what I expected.  I loved it in between contractions.  I leaned over the side and it allowed me to float giving my knees and legs a break.  But during contractions I just didn't feel grounded enough.  I would end up standing up and bracing myself against the side.  I'm not sure how long I labored in the tub but looking back it probably wasn't very long.  I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom.  Before I got out of the tub, Elisha checked me and I was 8cm.  In the bathroom I was starting to fall apart a bit.  I was feeling exhausted and starting to think I couldn't make it.  Everyone kept telling me how great I was doing but I didn't feel like it.  I felt out of control.  I just couldn't figure out what position or location felt right and it was extremely frustrating.  Elisha had to convince me to leave the bathroom.  She asked if I wanted to get back in the tub but I didn't.  I was tired and wanted to lay down.  The problem?  Laying down was way too uncomfortable.  I went to my bedroom and moved around all over the bed.  I felt hysterical and hated feeling that way.  I'm such an internal person and it was hard to feel like I was being ridiculous and knowing others were watching me.  Of course I didn't know how fast I had progressed.

Somehow I ended back up out of bed and squatting beside it.  I desperately felt the need to go back to the bathroom but Elisha told me I needed to stay.  She calmly told me that the bathroom was too small and the reason I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom was because the baby's head was causing so much pressure.  She told me I was probably complete and ready to push.  She reassured me that she would lay pads under me in case I did go to the bathroom and that it would be okay.  She would keep everything clean and contained.  Since I was squatting beside the bed in a sort of cramped space she asked me to come to the foot of the bed where there was more room.  At first I told her I couldn't.  I stayed where I was a little longer and then managed to find the strength to move.  I kneeled at the foot of my bed for awhile.  I was squeezing Susan's arm, almost worried that I would hurt her.  At one point I almost bit her and somehow restrained myself.  Then it hit me, I realized I was pushing whether I was ready to or not.  The burning sensation was nearly unbearable.  I know I was yelling.  I felt like I was past the point of reasoning.  I kept saying I couldn't do it.  I think I pushed a few times while kneeling at the foot of the bed but didn't like it.  My knees and legs were still so tired and I didn't like the thought of my bed being all exposed.  I climbed into bed (the last place I expected to push my baby out) and laid down.  Pushing was a struggle for me because of how much it burned.  I knew I should pull my legs back to give the baby more room but they felt frozen in a straight position.  I was torn between what I knew I should do and what my body was doing without me.  I kept saying I couldn't do it and they kept telling me that I was.  We discussed it later and I think the consensus was that I only pushed about twenty minutes.  Then my beautiful baby girl was placed on my chest.  Less than seven hours after I realized I *might* be in labor.  I cried.  It was so surreal.

Honestly, it still is surreal.  Recovery was rough in the beginning.  My back was super sore and the after pains left me feeling like I was still in labor.  The best part is that I didn't need sutures.  I have a small first degree tear that Elisha said should heal just fine as long as I am careful to keep my legs together for the next few weeks.  Although we did recently discover I have two "stretch marks" that are causing a bit of discomfort.  One of the hardest parts has been having to avoid lifting my toddler.  For the most part she is quite independent but she's still little.  She can't get in and out of the tub by herself.  She's still in diapers.  And she absolutely loves her stationary jumper that she is not able to get in and out of by herself.  I try to limit lifting her but without hubby here it's inevitable.

Emotionally I'm a wreck.  The day I delivered we learned that hubby is no longer getting the paternity leave we were promised.  Honestly, I'm still processing what all that means.  I'm pretty much on the verge of tears all day long.  No fun and completely new to me.  After having my first daughter I just felt numb for months.  Now I feel like a disaster.  Everything really is different the second time around.

Overall it was the experience I wanted.  Things may not have gone the way I envisioned but it was so much better than being in the hospital and something I definitely will plan again, just not too soon.

Due Date?

What's that?

Yep you guessed it.  I've gone over my due date again.  I was due Thursday, October 11th.  Honestly, I'm not surprised.  I personally would like to deliver no later than this Thursday but that's just for silly reasons.  As of right now both baby and I seem to be doing fine so there is no reason to force her out before she is ready.  I am again experiencing weeks of contractions in advance.  They started at 33wks this time.  It's a little exhausting to be caught in the limbo of learning to ignore them and wondering when they will turn into active labor.  I pray often that I don't miss the signs of labor.  Only time will tell.  I can't wait to post my birth story!

I'm planning a home birth...

Not a free for all.

Today some comments were made that make me very uncomfortable about my impending delivery.  I'm currently 34wks pregnant and I guess it's time to sit some people down and tell them that my labor and delivery is not going to be some weird party just because I plan to stay home.  The worst part is that the people making the comments aren't even people I want present for the labor and delivery.  If I were going to the hospital I could just keep them out of the loop but one of them is my father and well we live with him.  The other is my sister and my father won't hesitate to call my sister and invite her over.

I don't want to hurt any feelings.  I understand that they are excited about the new baby and anxious about my plans to give birth at home.  I realize that we live under my father's roof and that makes things complicated.  However it is still MY body, MY baby and MY birth.  I still feel like I should be in control of who is there and that my wishes should be respected.  I just have to figure out how to sit down and express all of that to them.  Then I need to pray that they choose to respect my wishes when the time comes.

Needless to say I'm nervous.  It's the first time I've been anxious about my home birth.  And honestly I'm not nervous about giving birth outside of the hospital, I'm nervous about giving birth in the particular house we live in under the current circumstances.  Please send any thoughts and prayers you can spare my way as I try to prepare myself for the conversation(s) that needs to take place in the next couple of weeks.  Pray that we can all stay civil and that they will choose to respect my wishes despite our past relationship issues.  I really do love my family but things are a little rough right now.  I do not need any extra stress.

First Prenatal:

Technically I saw the OB who delivered Emberlynn when I was 8wks along but I have switched to a midwife and had my first prenatal with her last night.  So for the purpose of documenting my prenatal visits, I'm going to count yesterday's as the first.

First we got the blood work out of the way.  That was a relief because needles make me super nervous.  After that we worked on paper work and talked about various topics.  Then my favorite part, listening to the heartbeat.  Turns out this baby likes to run and hide just like Emberlynn did.  We only heard the heartbeat in short little intervals and then we'd lose it again.  She measured my abdomen and I'm measuring just a tad bit behind but nothing to be concerned about.  I was also weighed and have only gained 1lb.  It was odd to be told I need to start gaining just a bit more.

Overall, it was a great appointment.  I am so glad that I have switched care providers.  I have a sense of peace about labor and delivery that I did not have with Emberlynn.  Those closest to me may think I'm crazy for choosing a home birth but I know that it is the right decision for me and this precious little one growing inside me.  This God given peace is undeniable.

Come October,

There will be a new addition to our little family.  Yes, I am pregnant for the second time.

I've just entered my second trimester.  I'm hoping the morning sickness subsides soon.  I am grateful that I don't get horrible morning sickness but it's definitely not fun.
I'm already showing but that is mostly because my abdominal muscles never went back together after having Emberlynn.  That means my ab muscles just aren't doing there job.
I'm already taking steps to try to make sure this is a healthier pregnancy.  I'm trying to get in the habit of walking on a regular basis.  I still plan to buy a prenatal yoga dvd.  I'm super interested in this set that I found online which is called Holy Yoga.  I figure it will be a good way to also spend time focusing on God.  I also need to consider the Tupler Technique to strengthen my abdominal muscles before carrying and delivering another child.  It is something that can be done during pregnancy so it's definitely something I need to be thinking about so that my body is in better shape.  I also need to drink more water and be better at taking my prenatal vitamins.  You know the normal pregnancy stuff.
I'm starting this pregnancy 10lbs heavier then I was when I got pregnant with Emberlynn so I feel I need to work harder than I did last time.  Last time I took my body for granted and I can't do that again.  Especially since I'm planning a home birth this time.  I need to make sure I am in the best shape I can be in by October.