is it bad that i feel the same?

the farther i get into college (i am getting ready to start my sixth semester this thursday), the more i feel out of place and quite miserable. i like meeting and interacting with the people but i don't feel that its where i'm supposed to be. the closer i get to achieving what i thought was a goal i wanted, the more i realize that my goals have changed. i am so afraid that i no longer want a career. i never in a million years thought i would consider not graduating but i don't have the heart to just quit. there are so many people who would sacrifice so much to go to college and i'm wasting my time there. i just don't know what to do. i'm so miserable and yet so afraid of letting people down. i'm waiting on God for guidance in this tricky situation.

love story.

i saw this postcard and smiled. i'm not entirely sure i will look back someday and consider my marriage an amazing love story but i am comforted that i will be able to look back and know that i was loved. i am so thankful for my husband and the blessing from God that he is. i have so much to be thankful for and so much more to look forward to. it was an interesting first year with the deployment and all and i'm sure we will face many more interesting years but as long as we're together it will be a comfort down the road.

such a sad regret.

this post makes me so sad.
there may be days that my husband isn't fond of the military and there are definitely days that i am not fond of the military but i am sure neither of us regret the decision we made. jesse still hopes to use his military career to try to improve our world. he loves his country. i know i don't regret marrying a soldier. i am so proud of my husband. i feel blessed that God thinks i am strong enough for this life.
this person will be in my prayers even though i don't know who the person is. it is a horrible feeling to regret such a big decision.

is it worth it?

YES! a million times yes.
what i meant by "it" is the life as a military spouse. i don't like the separation but i love my husband and he makes this all worth it. i feel so sorry for the person who created this card. i'm sorry that they have chosen to feel that way because i believe a person's attitude or outlook is their own decision. i love being an army wife but i have made the conscious decision to have a positive outlook regardless of separations. i am so proud of everything my husband is doing for our country. i know he doesn't like being away from me but he hopes to in some way make the world a better place.

lies.

thank you.

i saw this card and decided to use it in a post dedicated to jesse.
i've actually known my husband for four years and have been with him for three and he has been a blessing to my life. he is my best friend. he has allowed me to step out of my comfort zone, loving me the each step of the way. we're still young and we're still struggling to "find ourselves" but its wonderful to be able to go through these life changes together. we have lots of things in store for us. we have to get through this first deployment. we have to get through college. we have to enjoy as much married time as we can before God decides its time for us to start a family. he is exactly who i imagined and even more that i didn't know i needed. we are just beginning this wonderful new chapter called "marriage" and i have truly found the man God has for me.
he is my soldier, my hero, my love, and my life only second to god. its cheesy i know but he completes me.
thank you hubby for loving me!

best time.

to me college is just a phase i have to get through. it has coincided with other enjoyable milestones in life but i am not enjoying college. i am excited to see what God has in store for my life. right now is just a time to be patient. God will reveal his plan in time.

i believe.

i believe they can.

blossom.

in all honestly, change is super scary for me. i thrive on schedules and routines. being "comfortable" makes me happy. stepping out of my comfort zone is very difficult for me but i think i'm getting better. over the past year, i have allowed myself to end up in situations that have helped tear down my barriers. i'm excited to see what life has in store as i learn to let go...

oh, the places...

everyone needs someone to believe in them. not only does the creator of the universe believe in me, but he sent me an absolutely wonderful man to share my life with here on earth. sadly, i've had people along the way tell me that i won't accomplish anything. thankfully, with jesse beside me i can prove them wrong. i am so excited to see what our future has in store for us. i know things won't always go right but as long as we put God first and our marriage second...we should be just fine.

trust?

i found this card amusing. i have multiple diaries and jesse can read all of them but one. he respects the fact that i need at least one truly to myself. sadly i don't write in my diaries as often as i should because i am pretty open here on my blog. there are very few things in my life i don't post on here. obviously, there are things between jesse and i that are not blog appropriate. i am a firm believer that some aspects of marriage should stay strictly between the married couple or only close friends should be allowed in. but all in all, this blog is my diary. a diary that i let the entire world read.
but trust is a very big deal, especially in a military marriage. when your spouse can be gone for a year or longer and in harm's way, you have much bigger things to worry about than "can i trust him/her." thankfully, God has given me an amazing peace about this deployment. i have had my bad days but they so far have been few and far in between. and that also has to do with trust. you must trust God and trust that you are in good hands.
i serve an amazing God!

deserve.

i censored this postcard myself with the paint program. i have posted cards with curse words on them before but normally only one. i didn't feel comfortable posting this card without editing it first.
needless to say, i can absolutely relate to this card. i have had a few people in life treat me absolutely horrible and as i pray my way through it, they truly have taught be to believe in myself. they have made me better appreciate the people who don't treat me that way. i am still learning the hard way that i deserve better but God puts every person and every situation in your life for a reason. whether they are good or bad situations, God is there and God will carry you through.
learn from the not so nice people, don't let them destroy you.

its really not funny.

i have heard the jokes. heck, i've been told the jokes and i've always taken them with a "they just don't understand" type of attitude. but the jokes aren't funny. i do support to write love on her arms and have posted other blog posts about the organization. as a person who overcame her cutting addiction a few years ago, i don't mind the jokes so much. God has given me the peace and strength to move on. but not everyone is at a place where they can tolerate jokes about something so personal. so please i plead with you, be careful. if you don't know the person's past, just keep the "jokes" to yourself. don't make yourself another reason for a person to feel the need to harm themself.

under any circumstances.

i'll admit that i got lost trying to follow this person's diagram but to me the message is crystal clear.
i love that God has given us the ability to love.
God will always love us no matter what we do or don't do.
i believe that God has given each and every one of us the ability to do the same for everyone we encounter.
God tells us to love even our enemies, to me that is unconditional love at its purest form.
i'm sure this card was directed towards a specific person since its focus is romantic love
but today i want to use this card to encourage myself and others to develop a christian love for everyone they meet.
even the people who have hurt you.
just remember, our sins nailed Jesus to that cross...
He opened the door for forgiveness of ALL of our sins.
i think we can put our selfishness aside and learn to truly love others the way God wants us to.

fall in love.

i kind of feel the same way. jesse and i are in love but he won't come back the same person and well i'm sure i'll change at least a little bit while he is gone. not only will we need to fall in love with each other again but we will need to learn how to be married. jesse has been gone for most of our marriage, all but about thirty days. of course i'm looking forward to having jesse home but honestly i'm a bit nervous about all the transitions it will bring about. but even with all the nerves, i know we have God on our side. as long as we keep Him as the first priority then it will all work out.

waiting.

now i don't know what this person meant by this postcard but i would like to think that this "better life" is being a child of God. salvation, peace, hope, mercy, and strength are all waiting for us. we just have to say a prayer, accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, and dedicate our lives to living for God. i know that sounds like alot but the rewards are more than worth it. i love being a christian. getting saved is one of the best decisions i've ever made.

tooth fairy.

just thought this card was interesting.
sometimes i wonder about how i will explain certain things to my [future] children.
it never crossed my mind that i might have to explain God.
i plan to raise my children in church but i won't know what kinds of questions to expect because i wasn't raised in church.
actually i didn't start attending church til i was fifteen.
oh well, i'm looking forward to raising my children for the Lord.

...for you...

i just hope my husband reads and believes this. there are also a handful of friends that this card would apply to. i wish i was better at showing just how much some people mean to me.

cure.

i believe this. without weaknesses we're not human. without weaknesses we wouldn't need God. we mess up, we make mistakes, we have temptations and desires. there are some weaknesses that i would love to throw out of my life but there are others that i am content to embrace because they make me who i am. i'm finally okay with that.

jealousy.

this card saddened me! but at the same time i understand. deployment has a way of playing with your mind set. you feel things and think things that you wouldn't otherwise. its still sad to me though. although, honestly, i'm pretty sure i'd rather hubby be over there fighting than home without a leg. i'm sure he'd agree.
thank you and God bless to all of you who have been injured in battle. also, thank you to the families whose loved ones were lost in battle or still MIA. your sacrifice inspires me!