ORC Progress Report...Day 30, Now what?

Yes today is Day 30 of 30.  I missed the Day 24 progress report.  I'm sorry about that.  Time got away from me.

I can't believe it's been 30 days.  Things started so well and to be honest just after the half way point things fell apart.  I had some major meltdowns.  I'll be real, I had a couple of toddler worthy tantrums.  Life and stress got the best of me.  I got distracted and forgot to lean on God.  That right there has disaster written all over it.  I'm not pleased with how a good portion of those 30 days but I am pleased with the challenge as a whole.  I'll tell you why.

This challenge has reignited a passion within me.  Growing up with parents whose discipline techniques were quite different from each other, my goal before becoming a parent was to find the middle ground.  To discipline my children but to do so in a calm, respectful, non-punitive way.  Well then I had children and while I knew my goal was attainable and worthy of my best effort, I lost my way.  The tears are building as I write this.  It's hard to be this honest in such a public way.  Anyways, I gave in to peer pressure and expectations and forgot to trust in my instincts.  I wasn't focused on God and I'm still feeling the aftermath of that dark time.  Finally taking a stand and taking on this challenge reminded me of so many important things.  I serve a big God full of mercy, grace and forgiveness.  I am a good mother.  I have been blessed beyond measure.  And my joy does not come from my circumstances but from my heavenly Father.  Yes I made mistakes but I made the effort.  When I did yell I came back and apologized as soon as I was calm.  There were still many moments when I restrained from yelling and that's a big deal to me.

So 30 days came and went.  I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.  However, my journey is not done.  Tomorrow begins a new challenge and I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me this time.  I want to thank everyone for their love and support.  Please keep my family in your prayers.

ORC Progress Report

I am over halfway now.  I can't believe it is May already.  April flew by it seems.  I'm still having more outbursts than I would like but it's called a challenge for a reason right?!  This post was supposed to be written yesterday but the day got away from me.

I don't have anything inspirational to share.  It's been kind of a chaotic week and May is quickly turning into a very busy month.  Almost every weekend is booked with multiple events.  Hubby will have to go to DC to training at some point this month.  I'll be on my own with the girls for ten days which I'm sure will be quite a test.

All in all, I'm hanging in there.  Walking this journey is opening my eyes to other areas of my life that need work.  God is really stirring something inside of me I just don't know what yet.  I'm excited to see what he has in store but trying to hold steady in the now.  I want to thank all of you for the support and encouragement I have received.  I was afraid to share this journey with anyone because I feared criticism and ridicule.  I thank God that I have not encountered any negativity regarding this challenge.  His hand is most definitely on me.  Here's to finishing strong and then moving into a new sixty day challenge.

Day 19 of 30

ORC Progress Report

I wish I could say these last six days were as great as the first.  They definitely have not been.  It's been a struggle.  I've had moments of anger that got the best of me.  I've tried to apologize and move on knowing that any progress is a success.  However, yesterday God spoke to me.

The military wives Bible study I am part of is currently working through Your Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson.  As I read Chapter 3 and worked through the study questions I was instructed to write all of my cares on a piece of paper, prayerfully turn them over to the Lord and then burn the paper.  Let's just say it was a long list.  I was writing out all of my frustrations and struggles as a parent and as I wrote "not being listened to" I felt a quickening in my heart.  I could hear God say "And how is that different from what you do?"

It's so true.  I am a child of God.  He is my heavenly father.  He is constantly speaking to me, instructing me, guiding me and lovingly disciplining me.  There are times I don't listen.  I don't follow His instruction.  I do what I want to do.  It doesn't matter why, the point is that I do.  Just like my own children are driven by their instinct to explore and test boundaries.  The difference is when I act out or go my own way, God doesn't lash out at me.  He patiently and lovingly corrects me and guides me or waits with open arms until I am ready to get back on track.

I need to parent more like God parents me.  I don't know why this had never crossed my mind before.  But today is a new day, a day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  I will keep my focus on God.  My children need to be able to feel God through my words and actions.

And then this morning I couldn't fall back to sleep after nursing the baby so at 5:30am I decided to get up and do my Holy Yoga.  Oh what a wonderful decision that was.  The meditation I felt led to choose today was titled Perfection.  The verse used was Hebrews 10:17 from The Message version.  It says: It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people.  The point of the teaching was that instead of striving for perfection, we should strive for connection to the One who is perfect.  Our Savior.  He doesn't want us to be perfect for the sake of our own fulfillment.  He wants us to be in an intimate relationship with Him so that His perfection can pour down on us and through us into others.  He wants to see us live and walk His will and plan for our lives.

I know today that mistakes will happen.  My beautiful young daughters will test me.  They will do things, or not do things, and I will be tempted to get angry or yell.  I need to take each mistake as an opportunity to learn.  For all of us to learn.  I need to be slow to anger and be mindful of the words coming out of my mouth and be sensitive to the moments when I should just be quiet.

Here's to taking the rest of this journey one moment at a time.  Almost halfway and this journey has already been one of the most rewarding of my life.  It was God's timing and calling to walk this journey.  There is no reason to walk it by myself.

Day 12 of 30

ORC Progress Report

As I'm typing this I am sitting in the wee hours of day 6 of the Orange Rhino Challenge.  Both of my precious girls are still sleeping.  Our day has yet to begin.  Although the toddler was up multiple times last night so I'm not sure yesterday ever ended.

Overall this challenge has not been as difficult as I expected.  I give all thanks to God.  I have felt his hand on me through these last six days in a way I've never felt before.  Anytime something happens that would normally send me straight into yelling I hear him whisper in my spirit, "Take a breath.  You can do it."  I pray thanks to Him daily for the peace and self control He has blessed me with during this challenge.

Now that doesn't mean I haven't messed up.  God may be doing wonderful things through me but alas I am still human.  Yesterday was a recipe for disaster.  Overall we had an amazing day as a family but we went shopping for me an Easter outfit.  Honestly, shopping for myself goes so much better without the little ones in tow.  It's probably why it doesn't happen often.  Anyways, I was in the dressing rules and the girls were running around all the other dressing rooms and periodically busting in on me (yay for a door with a broken lock).  I stayed much calmer than I normally would but after them slamming doors over and over again after being politely asked not to, I snapped a little.  I didn't go all out and yell but my voice was a little louder and more agitated than my normal "firm" voice.  At first I was a little disappointed in myself but then I looked at the big picture.  I still didn't go into my crazy yell mode.  The rest of the day was a very nice day despite neither girl getting a good nap.

One little slip in the first six days?  I'll take it and learn from it.  I am still so very thankful to feel God's hand upon me as I make this change.

I've decided to take on the Orange Rhino Challenge.

What's that you say?  Read about it here and here.  You can read about the inspiration for the name here.

It boils down to a challenge to stop yelling at your children.  Why would I want to go and do something like that?

I've found myself in a tricky spot.  I set out to be a "positive discipline" parent.  I desire to treat my children as the special, little human being they are while disciplining them in a respectful way.  God gave me these precious blessings for a reason.  I want to build them up and instill in them self confidence and the firm belief that they can master anything with God.  Screaming and yelling at them completely contradicts my goals and desires as a mother.  Yelling at them is disrespectful and honestly quite ineffective as a form of discipline.  I've been on the receiving end of a parent that yells.  I can assure you that if my daughters are anything like myself, they are not truly listening while I am exhausting myself yelling at them.  They are processing their hurt, wondering why a parent who loves them would talk to them this way, and preparing for some kind of retaliation.  I can pride myself for not saying hurtful things to them while I am yelling but the act of yelling itself is still hurtful.  I do NOT want that kind of relationship with my children, now or ever.

I believe that we must treat our children in a respectful way if we expect them to respect us.  I'm not saying children shouldn't be disciplined.  I'm not saying children should be allowed to run completely free without restraint or boundaries.  I'm simply striving to internalize and live the verses James 1:19-20, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."  If I'm yelling it is because I am angry.  If I'm yelling I am not listening to God or my children.  My children have their own perspectives that deserve to be heard.  If I'm yelling I am not taking to time to think through the words coming out of my mouth.  It's not easy to admit but it's the truth.

So today I am taking a step of faith to restore my outlook on parenting.  The woman behind the Orange Rhino Challenge chose a goal of 365 days of no yelling.  I have prayerfully decided on 30 days.  It is long enough to push myself and to make this a "habit".  Of course once the 30 days are over I plan to set a new goal but this is the beginning of something great in my life and in my family.  I will be keeping a personal journal during this journey and plan to do weekly check-ins here on the blog.  Prayers are much appreciated as I'm sure this journey will have it's trials.  It is called a "challenge" after all.

Day 1 of 30.