I wish I could say these last six days were as great as the first. They definitely have not been. It's been a struggle. I've had moments of anger that got the best of me. I've tried to apologize and move on knowing that any progress is a success. However, yesterday God spoke to me.
The military wives Bible study I am part of is currently working through Your Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson. As I read Chapter 3 and worked through the study questions I was instructed to write all of my cares on a piece of paper, prayerfully turn them over to the Lord and then burn the paper. Let's just say it was a long list. I was writing out all of my frustrations and struggles as a parent and as I wrote "not being listened to" I felt a quickening in my heart. I could hear God say "And how is that different from what you do?"
It's so true. I am a child of God. He is my heavenly father. He is constantly speaking to me, instructing me, guiding me and lovingly disciplining me. There are times I don't listen. I don't follow His instruction. I do what I want to do. It doesn't matter why, the point is that I do. Just like my own children are driven by their instinct to explore and test boundaries. The difference is when I act out or go my own way, God doesn't lash out at me. He patiently and lovingly corrects me and guides me or waits with open arms until I am ready to get back on track.
I need to parent more like God parents me. I don't know why this had never crossed my mind before. But today is a new day, a day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I will keep my focus on God. My children need to be able to feel God through my words and actions.
And then this morning I couldn't fall back to sleep after nursing the baby so at 5:30am I decided to get up and do my Holy Yoga. Oh what a wonderful decision that was. The meditation I felt led to choose today was titled Perfection. The verse used was Hebrews 10:17 from The Message version. It says: It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people. The point of the teaching was that instead of striving for perfection, we should strive for connection to the One who is perfect. Our Savior. He doesn't want us to be perfect for the sake of our own fulfillment. He wants us to be in an intimate relationship with Him so that His perfection can pour down on us and through us into others. He wants to see us live and walk His will and plan for our lives.
I know today that mistakes will happen. My beautiful young daughters will test me. They will do things, or not do things, and I will be tempted to get angry or yell. I need to take each mistake as an opportunity to learn. For all of us to learn. I need to be slow to anger and be mindful of the words coming out of my mouth and be sensitive to the moments when I should just be quiet.
Here's to taking the rest of this journey one moment at a time. Almost halfway and this journey has already been one of the most rewarding of my life. It was God's timing and calling to walk this journey. There is no reason to walk it by myself.
Day 12 of 30