The Birth of Isaac

 

 

Monday Sept 9th rolled around and with it the reality that I was 42wks gestation. I'd never gone past 41wks before so we were definitely in new territory. I'd had a biophysical profile and a non stress test the week before and baby was doing well but the midwife came over that morning to do another non stress test to keep an eye on our little one. I had tried a few home labor encouragements with no luck. We only had one option left and I was staring down a possible induction which I absolutely did not want. So we agreed that I would drink castor oil that night.

The castor oil instructions were a first dose around bedtime and then two hours later a second dose. The plan was to take the first dose at 8pm and the second dose at 10pm. I chose to mix it with orange juice. The first dose went down okay. Nothing really happened. I snuggled with my toddler as she fell asleep and hoped this would work. Just before taking the second dose I started feeling really nauseous so it was no surprise that the first sip of the second dose immediately caused me to throw up. I rallied and got the second dose down. I'd been asked to text my midwife when I was taking the second dose because they wanted to be on alert with my history of quick labors. The original plan was that they'd head my way and wait around closer to my home in case things set in fast. However after my second dose I just wasn't feeling anything and planned to go to bed. I said I was fine with whatever they decided to do. They decided to stay put but gave strict instructions to alert them if anything changed.  By this time it was about 10:15pm.

At 11:38pm I woke up needing to go to the bathroom. If you're unfamiliar with castor oil that's what it's known for...a laxative. My first contraction hit at 11:41pm. I spent roughly twenty minutes on the potty before I managed to make it back to the bedroom. Right as I tried to climb into bed another contraction hit. Jesse stirred and knew by my countenance that he should get up. While I was still unsure I was in active labor (my body likes to practice and I often have stretches of contractions that fizzle out) I didn't argue with him. I headed back to the bathroom as the castor oil continued to do its job. After about ten minutes I made it back to the bedroom as sat on the birthing ball. At 12:15am I text my contraction log to the midwife and called her. I said I wasn't convinced it wouldn't fizzle out but that I was feeling shaky and the contractions were pretty intense despite not really having a steady pattern. She said they were headed my way.

Things from that point went down pretty fast. I only managed timing two more contractions before I gave up. The last contraction on my log was 12:19am. I moved to the bed and managed a contraction there before asking Jesse to come hold my hips. He knew this was a sign that I was likely entering transition. Very soon after I hit my "I don't want to do this" phase. Another sure sign of transition. I told him I needed to go to the bathroom again but I knew in the back of my mind I needed to be mindful because sometimes the baby descending into the birth canal can have the  same feeling. I got to the toilet and sat down, had another contraction, and quickly realized I did not in fact have to go potty. Jesse had followed me to the bathroom to check on me because he had the same thought. After he'd left I felt inside and could feel the baby's head. I got up as quickly as I could and headed back to the bedroom. As soon as I got there I put on the sports bra I like to labor in and set myself up on my makeshift birth stool (a squatty potty with a boppy pillow on top which we lined with chucks pads). It was my first time laboring on any kind of stool and I can't say it was my favorite but honestly everything feels so out of control during transition and pushing that I can't say anything would be my favorite haha.

We'd asked at my appointment what to do if we thought the baby was coming before the midwife and she'd told us to call her and have her on speaker phone. So at 12:33am Jesse called our midwife to let him know I was in transition and likely about to push. She stayed on the phone with us and bless her tried to keep me calm. I honestly was not at all panicked about delivering without the midwife present, I just hit a weird panic mode during transition. She told me I could try to lay on my side if I wanted to try to slow things down. I told her I did NOT want to do that, I wanted it over. I didn't love being in the squatting position and she suggested I come down to hands and knees but I told her I didn't think I could. Instead I leaned back against a chair and on my arm and rolled with it. I got a small break where the contractions seemed to cease and I could breathe and I took full advantage of the break. As soon as the break passed I knew my body was starting to push. With the first push the baby's head was crowing and Jesse reminded me if I wanted to catch this baby I needed to do it now. I just couldn't figure out how to get off my arm and back upright. With the second push as the shoulders passed through I was able to sit up and reach down and catch the baby's body along with Jesse and pull the baby up to my chest. I quickly asked one of the girls for a towel to wrap baby up. He cried immediately. Time of birth was 12:42am.

Yep if you went back at looked at when my first contraction was, I was in labor for only one hour and one minute. When I looked down at Jesse's phone and saw the time as Jesse told the midwife the shock of how quickly I had labored started to set in. We were so caught up that we didn't even bother to see if the baby was a boy or a girl until the midwife (still on speaker phone en route) asked the girls if they had a brother or a sister. I gathered the girls around me and we set up a phone to video and pulled the towel back and revealed they had a baby brother! The video is so sweet but sadly Margaret is not visible in the frame which hurts my sentimental mama heart. I so wish I could see her face.

Shortly after I moved to the bed while Jesse tried to answer all the midwife's questions and evaluate me with her guidance. I delivered the placenta. Soon after the assistant midwife arrived and was able to take over and then the midwife not long after. As time went on we realized I was bleeding a bit more than is ideal so I did end up getting a shot of pitocin in my thigh. I was able to get up and get in the shower to rinse off and after the shower we found that some of the amniotic sac had remained inside. This was likely the cause of the excess bleeding. Once they were able to clear that out my bleeding slowed down and was no longer a problem.

Little man, who really isn't that little, weighed 9lbs8oz and was 21.5in long. Not my longest baby but definitely my heaviest. It's funny though because he really isn't very chunky, probably because he's so long. We are both well, he's adjusting to nursing, and the sisters are all smitten. He's the perfect completion to our family and as always we are so grateful for God's goodness through it all.

The Birth of Lydia

 Honestly every time I think about her birth I chuckle. I’m pretty sure I haven’t fully processed her birth yet. It was such a whirlwind and nothing I expected.

Monday night was Halloween. I was big and pregnant and honestly over it. My irrational brain had decided I’d just be pregnant for ever. It really never crossed my mind I’d go that far past my due date again or that I wouldn’t have an October baby. But it being Halloween we went to my in-laws to trick or treat like we have almost every year. The kids had a blast. Our costumes were a hit. We got home just before 10pm and shuffled everyone to bed. Zoe needed some mama snuggles so we laid in my bed and talked some before I finally sent her off to bed. I fell asleep pretty fast.

12:16am, barely Tuesday morning, I woke up to an intense contraction. My practice contractions had been more intense this pregnancy but this contraction was next level for sure. Nine minutes later a second one came. After it passed I rolled onto my other side in hopes they’d feel more manageable. Three contractions later I had to get out of bed. I was in no way ready to say I was in labor but I could not manage them laying in bed any longer. Oh how delusional I was.

By this point it was almost 1am. I woke up Jesse and asked him to turn on the Christmas lights we have hanging on the mantle in the living room and I headed to the living room to sit on the birth ball. Jesse went back to bed. A few contractions passed and I moved to kneeling while leaning on a chair, a few more and I went back to the ball, a few more and I went back to bed to kneel on a soft surface. All the while not letting it sink in that this was labor. Just after 2am I finally woke up Jesse and asked him to set up the birth tub. I headed to the bathroom and on my way back to the living room got hit with a wave of nausea and shakiness. I knew I had to make the call to the birth team. No one wants to wake people up at 2am unless they have to. So I called Sarah (the midwife), Susan and the birth photographer. Sadly the birth photographer didn’t answer. I definitely haven’t processed that I will have no photos from this birth. Thankfully we got some great ones in the time just after.

Susan was the first one through the door with Melinda (the student midwife) right behind her. At that point I’d stopped timing contractions. Melinda wanted to hear baby’s heartbeat right away but contractions were coming so close together that before she could get a good reading another contraction would come. I finally managed to stand through a contraction so Melinda could check the baby's heartbeat. Sarah showed up pretty soon after the other two. At this point labor was intense. I’d likely already entered transition. Jesse had been working on the tub but had been unable to get the temp to where it needed to be and each contraction came rolling too quickly to adjust. Each contraction I lowered myself down to my hands and knees. Eventually I stopped bothering trying to get back up between them. And with how fast everything progressed the living room floor is where I was.

Everyone was quietly settling in and setting up as they gently supported and encouraged me. Susan asked that I tell her what she could do for me. After a couple of contractions I asked her to squeeze my hips so she did as she sat on the couch beside where I was on the floor. Jesse gave up trying to set up the tub. He knew by my behavior that delivery would be soon. I don’t think they’d been there more than 30 minutes when I realized I was feeling the urge to push and announced I thought I was pushing. The feeling of the room changed almost instantly. Jesse went to wake up the girls and came right back to me so I could use him for support. He knelt down in front of me and I held on to his forearms as I leaned forward still on my knees. Melinda asked to remove my shorts which of course I consented. I expressed how I wished I could get in the tub but was soon overcome by the intensity to push and had to let those thoughts go. The tub wasn’t going to happen. My first couple of pushes were wonky. I hadn’t found my rhythm for working with the contractions. Sarah thinks I was feeling the pressure from my waters still being in tact and that it was confusing me. After a few pushes my water ruptured and I found my rhythm. It took only a handful of pushes before the head was delivered. I got a short pause and used my last contraction to delivery the body, still on my hands and knees in the living room floor. Melinda gently passed the baby through my legs to Jesse all bundled up in a towel. I asked the girls if they had seen what the baby was. They hadn’t. I pulled back the towel Melinda had wrapped her in just enough to announce they all had a new sister. Poor sweet Margaret slept through the whole thing even while laying on the couch.

Finally things had settled enough that I could readjust and sit leaning back. The placenta came quickly. That’s when I asked what her time of birth was, 3:33am, and did the mental math and realized I’d only been in labor for 3 hours and 17 minutes. Which Sarah told me actually broke down into 3 hours and 9 minutes of labor and 8 minutes of pushing. I jokingly asked why did that feel like longer than 8 minutes of pushing. We all chuckled. Sarah had already led the girls and Jesse with the baby to the bedroom while Melinda and Susan helped me get up and join them. Then I got to snuggle back in my own bed and hold my new precious babe. The three biggest sisters joined in and all got to hold her for the first time. Zoe took my phone to take pictures.  It was such a precious time. We found our new sweet girl was a chunk at 9lbs2oz but a little short at 20in. She's still a short little chunk.

While I was not prepared to give birth outside of the tub, I had hoped to give birth in the soft light of the Christmas lights. I knew there was a good chance my labor would be quicker, I was not prepared for how in denial I would be. With Margaret I was sure it was labor from the first contraction. Not sure why I put off making the call for two hours this time. I'm sad Margaret slept through it. She didn't wake up until around 7am and was a little confused. I'm so very sad the birth photographer didn't make it. Had I not been in denial I was in labor I would have had one of the older girls take my phone and take pictures.  But she's here and healthy and we are so in love. Our sweet Lydia Kay.

The Birth of Margaret

I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted here. My last post was also a birth story. That precious girl is now two and we've welcomed a fourth princess to complete our family. Here is birth story of Margaret Frances.

I had family in town visiting. They had come in on April 18th which is the day we hoped the birth would happen but Miss Margaret and God had other plans. Each day ticked by as we anxiously awaited her arrival and getting to learn if she was a she or a he as we chose not to find out during pregnancy.

Finally on April 28th, the day before my family was scheduled to leave, the day for her to be born came. As is normal for my body, my labor began in the early morning. At 4:54am I was jolted awake by a very intense contraction. After a second contraction I woke up Jesse and told him that while they had just started, they were intense. He asked for ten more minutes of sleep. Exactly ten minutes later another contraction began and I told him to get his butt out of bed. A couple more contractions came a little over ten minutes a part before they jumped to five minutes apart. I never really settled in to a super consistent pattern. They jumped  around from 4-5 minutes apart to 7-8 minutes apart. At 6:16am, after only ten contractions, I called the midwife and told her I thought it was baby day. I still had my doubts so we agreed to just have her assistant come check me. I also let Susan know and she asked I keep her updated.

While waiting for the assistant I had five more contractions and decided to text the assistant and have her tell the midwife to go ahead and come. This was at 6:42am. I also reached out to the birth photographer at this time.

Six more contractions came and went before the assistant arrived. As soon as she walked in the door I asked her to check me. We waited for the next contraction to pass and I was already 8cm. This was at 7:17am. Cue shock. A mere 22 contractions and I was already almost there. I text Susan who was thankfully already on her way. I also text my mom and told her she could come. After texting everyone I went ahead and got in the tub. The midwife arrived as I was climbing in and was also surprised to learn that I was already 8cm.

After I got in the tub details got fuzzy. I quit timing contractions or even looking at my phone. Everyone had been notified and I could just sit and enjoy the water. Shortly after everyone arrived I remembered that I needed to postpone the birthday party that was scheduled that day for my two year old so I did hop on facebook for a bit. Time seemed to stand still. I know I wasn't in labor long but I had no point of reference for time. I just let the contractions come and go until I realized I was feeling pressure and wanting to push.

 

I lightly pushed with a few contractions before I switched from leaning over the side of the tub to sitting on the seat inside the birth tub. I let them know I was feeling pushy and asked to be checked again. The assistant gave me the clear to push. I love how everyone just trusted my body. No one tried to count or direct. I pushed when I felt like it and didn't when it didn't feel right.

My main goal for this birth was that I wouldn't freak out when pushing and be able to catch the baby myself. I did hit one rough spot where I began to plead. Susan re-centered me and I put myself back together. To get through I reached in to feel for a head myself. It was such a surreal experience. I hit a point where I just wanted her out and pushed with all my might. Once her head was out the assistant checked for a cord around her neck, there wasn't. As her shoulders came out the assistant reached down to check her and I panicked and snapped at her to not touch the baby. It burned and I was afraid if she touched the baby it would burn more. As her body slipped out I was able to reach down and at 8:52am she came into the world and I pulled her up to me. It was absolutely amazing. It was so worth it and so emotional. I'm not usually emotional in the moments after birth but I totally was this time. Maybe it was that I knew it was the last. Who knows. I was just so in awe that I caught my own baby by myself.

The big girls were in the room, right beside the tub as she was born. Charlotte came running in from the other room and leaned over the tub and said, "Hi baby, I'm Charlotte." Everyone's heart melted.

"Hi baby, I'm Charlotte"

I remember someone asking if baby was a boy or a girl and I said "I don't care right now" and everyone laughed. A few moments later I did look and got to announce baby was a GIRL. We had been hoping to get to experience a son but we are so much in love with her. We hadn't been able to agree on a girl name so I looked around and asked "so what will we name her?" The big girls both yelled "Margaret". I looked over to Jesse and he nodded in agreement and so it was decided.

After the placenta was delivered we moved to the bedroom. We let Emberlynn and Zoe cut the cord.

Other than some blood sugar issues the day of birth and ears full of fluid from allergies, the recovery has been smooth which I'm so thankful for. We're all still adjusting and also preparing for a military separation so emotions are high. Charlotte is struggling a little with not being the baby anymore. But overall we're doing great.

It's still so surreal that we have four children and that our family is now complete. There are no plans for any more babies. Which is bittersweet. Sometimes I tear up just looking at her and knowing I won't ever have a baby this small again. It's so hard to believe she's already four weeks old today. More and more the cliche proves true, the days are long but the years are short. Time is flying by and this mama heart can't help but feel all the feels. Motherhood is such a roller coaster but it's the best thing.

The Birth of Charlotte

Really I feel like this story starts the day before.  I woke up Monday morning, April 25th, exhausted.  Acid reflux had kept me up almost all night.  I encountered a great deal of stress over the course of the day and many tears were shed and prayers were prayed.  When I laid down in bed Monday night I was having mild contractions and I prayed, "Lord we're all exhausted.  I need sleep.  The girls need sleep.  Jesse needs sleep.  Please can we just have a little sleep?  Please don't let me go into labor tonight."  And I drifted off.

Zoe joined me in bed around 1:30am and by 4:00am she was ready to start the day.  I pleaded with her to sleep and noticed a couple of contractions.  Finally at 4:28am I wrote down a contraction and convinced Zoe to go hang out with grandpa.  I laid in bed timing contractions for roughly 30min before getting up to drink, take a magnesium and read my Bible.  I'd already had a few false alarms and was kind of expecting this to be another one.  By 5:30am, after timing contractions for an hour at 6-7min apart, I gave my midwife a heads up.  She asked a few questions and asked if she should come.  I told her I wanted to wait another hour to see if things would fade out.  Two more contractions and I text her back saying maybe just give it 30 more minutes.  Two more contractions and I told her it may be best to head my way.  I reached out to the rest of my birth team and they all headed my way, the midwife being the farthest away.

After everyone was contacted I let the girls wake up Jesse.  He came out and immediately knew it was the real deal.  I was still a little in doubt.  Him and my dad did some quick cleaning until I made Jesse stop to fill the pool.  Gosh the water felt wonderful.  I got in before anyone arrived.  I had learned with Zoe that I did not want to wait until things were too intense for me to enjoy the water.

Susan, my doula, was the first to arrive.  She immediately took her place right beside the pool.  April wasn't far behind.  The birth photographer and Samantha showed up.  Times and exact order of arrival are a little fuzzy to me.  At some point Carolyn, my midwife, asked that we time my contractions again.  They were now 2-4min apart.

April reading to the girls.

At 8:15am my midwife arrived.  I think we all breathed a sigh of relief that the baby had not come before her.  Although my relief didn't fully come until she checked me and told me I was 8cm and would be having a baby soon.  I was so glad that I had not called everyone out for a false alarm.  She asked me to try to get out and use the restroom.  Not fun.  I couldn't wait to get back in the tub.

It wasn't long until I could feel myself starting to loose it.  I declared to everyone that I was done and that I did not want to do this anymore.  I yelled and begged and told them all NO! when they tried to encourage me.  Of course this was transition.

Pushing.

Shortly after I realized I was pushing.  Carolyn checked me and cleared me to do so.  I felt desperate for it to be over.  I did at some point bite Jesse.  He was shocked I lasted that long.  He's a trooper.  Thankfully, despite a nuchal hand/elbow, it was over soon and at 8:58am I got to exclaim "I had a baby!" which of course made everyone laugh.

The girls watching their new sister be born.

Sweet relief.

We all quickly realized she was a chunk and were eager to see what her stats were.  My older girls were 7lbs 5oz and 7lbs 4oz.  I was shocked when her weight came in at 8.57lbs or 8lbs 9oz.  And she has a head full of hair!  She just looks so different to me than my other girls did.

I'm still in awe that I delivered such a good size baby, in only 4.5hrs, with a nuchal hand/elbow and didn't tear at all.  With my history, had I followed medical advice instead of my intuition I would be telling a very different birth story.  I'm so grateful I stepped out and trusted God and my body.

My whole world.

Miss Zoe is Here! (Home Birth Story)

Yes, my sweet precious little one finally made her appearance.  Zoe Madelon joined the world Thursday, October 18th at 7:38am.  She weighed 7lbs4oz and is 19.75in long.

She is waving hi!

Her big sister absolutely adores her.

Want to know what the birth was like?  Keep reading...

I guess I should start with the evening before.  It was Wednesday, October 17th.  I was six days past my due date but had big plans.  Since I was still pregnant and it was the first day of early voting, I decided I would go ahead and get voting out of the way.  Of course my toddler was along for the ride.  Voting went much faster than I expected so we had some time to kill before church.  We went to McDonald's and had a fun last little girls outing.  Then we headed off to church.  I asked my friend/doula Susan if she could arrive at church early to work on the pressure points in my feet to see if we could encourage labor.  She quickly realized my ankles were very swollen.  She told me I should drink as much water as possible and text my midwife to let her know.  I did as I was told and by the end of church the swelling was starting to go down.  I stopped by the store on the way home to check my blood pressure and it was high but still within the normal range.  I talked to my midwife and we decided that since I wasn't having any other issues and I already had a prenatal scheduled for Thursday afternoon we could wait it out but she asked to move the appointment up to the morning just to be safe.  I was having contractions but that was nothing new so I just went about business as usual.  I put my daughter to bed, read my Bible, and then went to sleep myself.  The contractions were getting more uncomfortable but I was tired and just wanted to sleep.  This was around 11:30pm.  Every time I would have a contraction I would wake up and look at the clock.

Finally at 2am I realized I really wasn't getting much sleep and that I'd been looking at the clock every 6-7 minutes.  I decided it was time to get up and let my midwife know.  I called Elisha (my midwife) and Susan to let them know I thought I was in labor.  Even though I still thought it was pretty early I decided to have them come on over since I knew it would take my midwife at least an hour to get to me.  Of course this whole time I was on yahoo instant messenger with my husband.  We were both hoping I hadn't called them out in the middle of the night for a false alarm.  I had been having contractions since 33wks but these were definitely different.  We were hopeful but afraid to get our hopes up too high.

Susan arrived around 2:30am.  I was bouncing on my exercise ball in a dark living room on the computer with hubby.  We just sat around and talked.  She would rub my back through contractions.  We did a little bit of straightening up (I had big plans to clean Thursday morning and it was looking like that wasn't going to happen).  Elisha arrived around 3am.  She took my blood pressure which was still higher than we would like but still technically within a safe range.  She said we would just wait and see and try not to worry about it unless we had to.  So I just labored.  We all sat around in the dark.  I could not tolerate a sitting position during a contraction.  I would either kneel up against something or get on my hands and knees.

Finally around 5am I felt like the tub sounded good.  Elisha asked if I wanted to be checked before getting in and I did.  I was between 5-6cm and still seemed to be tolerating things well so Elisha suggested I hold off on the tub until things were a little harder because getting in the tub can slow things down.  I was okay with the suggestion and tried to stick it out a little longer.  I think I lasted about a half an hour before I decided I wanted in the tub (I had lost all sense of time at this point).  Honestly, I was hoping things would slow down a little bit.  My knees and legs were getting tired from me spending so much time either kneeling or up moving around.  The lack of sleep was also catching up to me.

I got in the much anticipated tub but it wasn't what I expected.  I loved it in between contractions.  I leaned over the side and it allowed me to float giving my knees and legs a break.  But during contractions I just didn't feel grounded enough.  I would end up standing up and bracing myself against the side.  I'm not sure how long I labored in the tub but looking back it probably wasn't very long.  I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom.  Before I got out of the tub, Elisha checked me and I was 8cm.  In the bathroom I was starting to fall apart a bit.  I was feeling exhausted and starting to think I couldn't make it.  Everyone kept telling me how great I was doing but I didn't feel like it.  I felt out of control.  I just couldn't figure out what position or location felt right and it was extremely frustrating.  Elisha had to convince me to leave the bathroom.  She asked if I wanted to get back in the tub but I didn't.  I was tired and wanted to lay down.  The problem?  Laying down was way too uncomfortable.  I went to my bedroom and moved around all over the bed.  I felt hysterical and hated feeling that way.  I'm such an internal person and it was hard to feel like I was being ridiculous and knowing others were watching me.  Of course I didn't know how fast I had progressed.

Somehow I ended back up out of bed and squatting beside it.  I desperately felt the need to go back to the bathroom but Elisha told me I needed to stay.  She calmly told me that the bathroom was too small and the reason I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom was because the baby's head was causing so much pressure.  She told me I was probably complete and ready to push.  She reassured me that she would lay pads under me in case I did go to the bathroom and that it would be okay.  She would keep everything clean and contained.  Since I was squatting beside the bed in a sort of cramped space she asked me to come to the foot of the bed where there was more room.  At first I told her I couldn't.  I stayed where I was a little longer and then managed to find the strength to move.  I kneeled at the foot of my bed for awhile.  I was squeezing Susan's arm, almost worried that I would hurt her.  At one point I almost bit her and somehow restrained myself.  Then it hit me, I realized I was pushing whether I was ready to or not.  The burning sensation was nearly unbearable.  I know I was yelling.  I felt like I was past the point of reasoning.  I kept saying I couldn't do it.  I think I pushed a few times while kneeling at the foot of the bed but didn't like it.  My knees and legs were still so tired and I didn't like the thought of my bed being all exposed.  I climbed into bed (the last place I expected to push my baby out) and laid down.  Pushing was a struggle for me because of how much it burned.  I knew I should pull my legs back to give the baby more room but they felt frozen in a straight position.  I was torn between what I knew I should do and what my body was doing without me.  I kept saying I couldn't do it and they kept telling me that I was.  We discussed it later and I think the consensus was that I only pushed about twenty minutes.  Then my beautiful baby girl was placed on my chest.  Less than seven hours after I realized I *might* be in labor.  I cried.  It was so surreal.

Honestly, it still is surreal.  Recovery was rough in the beginning.  My back was super sore and the after pains left me feeling like I was still in labor.  The best part is that I didn't need sutures.  I have a small first degree tear that Elisha said should heal just fine as long as I am careful to keep my legs together for the next few weeks.  Although we did recently discover I have two "stretch marks" that are causing a bit of discomfort.  One of the hardest parts has been having to avoid lifting my toddler.  For the most part she is quite independent but she's still little.  She can't get in and out of the tub by herself.  She's still in diapers.  And she absolutely loves her stationary jumper that she is not able to get in and out of by herself.  I try to limit lifting her but without hubby here it's inevitable.

Emotionally I'm a wreck.  The day I delivered we learned that hubby is no longer getting the paternity leave we were promised.  Honestly, I'm still processing what all that means.  I'm pretty much on the verge of tears all day long.  No fun and completely new to me.  After having my first daughter I just felt numb for months.  Now I feel like a disaster.  Everything really is different the second time around.

Overall it was the experience I wanted.  Things may not have gone the way I envisioned but it was so much better than being in the hospital and something I definitely will plan again, just not too soon.

Induction/Birth Story

Emberlynn is finally here.  She was born October 26th at 10:14pm.  She weighed 7lbs 5oz and is 20.25in long.  Here is the story of her arrival...
Because I went past my due date I had to be induced.  So the morning of the 26th we had to go into the hospital at 6am.  Around 7am they got my IV in and they started my pitocin about 7:15am.  My doctor came in around 9:30am and broke my water.  I apparently had a lot of fluid which relieved my doctor because she had been concerned about Emy's size but then believed that my fluid level had thrown off her guess.  My doctor checked me and I was between 3cm and 4cm.  I was left along to labor and my pitocin was turned up about every 30min.  Then things got interesting.  From this point on, I really won't reference time because I was not watching a clock.
I was having intense, constant back pain.  The contractions were still manageable but I felt like I couldn't get a break because of the back pain.  I finally asked the nurse about pain medicine and we agreed on a half dose of stadol since I was still afraid of the epidural.  Well when she was coming back with the medicine, a tornado warning was issued.  My pitocin was turned off and I was wheeled into the hallway.  The pitocin had to be turned off because the monitor wouldn't reach out into the hallway and I couldn't be on pitocin without being on the monitor.  The nurse went ahead and brought me the stadol so I spent most of the almost two hours of hall time very groggy and out of it.  I am a lightweight when it comes to medication which is why we agreed on a half dose.  Well eventually the tornado warning expired and they wheeled me back into the room and had just started my pitocin again when another tornado warning was issued so it was back to the hallway.  When that tornado warning expired and I got back into the room and back on pitocin I was still having a lot of back so I asked for another half dose of stadol.  I ended up being a fan of the stadol because I could still feel the contractions but it took care of the back pain.  Each dose lasted about two hours and I usually let half an hour pass in between doses.  Although I dozed in and out with every dose of stadol which is probably why i have no point of reference for time.
I was checked shortly after getting settled back into the room after the second tornado warning and I was 5cm.  After the second dose of stadol wore off I labored on my own for awhile and then asked for a third half dose.  As that dose was wearing off, I was checked again and was told I was 9cm.  I figured I could handle the rest on my own.  Then about twenty minutes after being checked by the nurse, the doctor came in and checked me and said I was barely 8cm.  Needless to say I was a little discouraged but let it go.  Then at shift change, the new nurse came in and checked me and said I was about 6.5cm.  Now I was discouraged.  I also didn't realize that they were still turning up my pitocin.  My pain was becoming unbearable and I was begging for another half dose of stadol.  At this point I could barely communicate and was almost crying.  I have no idea how high my pitocin was but I'm assuming it was a little two high.  I apparently suffered like this for a couple of hours.
Little did I know that my mother in Missouri (who has a history of strong intuitions) starting having a panic attack and decided she needed to call my sister to see how I was doing.  Since my sister was in the labor and delivery room with us, my mother could hear me in the background and demanded to be put on speaker phone.  Up to this point, I was still declining the epidural even though I was in horrible pain.  Well my mom managed to talk me into the epidural.  She told me that I shouldn't be suffering like that.  I had been in labor about thirteen hours at this point and the nurse kept telling me that I needed a break.  I finally consented to the epidural but asked if I could receive a lower dose than normal so she diluted the medication with fluid from my IV bag.  It turned out that Emy was facing the wrong direction, causing my horrible pain.  I was checked just before the epidural was administered and I was at 8cm.  The epidural was administered during a contraction because my contractions were coming so close together that the anesthesiologist couldn't wait for a break.  Within forty-five minutes of receiving the epidural, I was checked again and was 10cm.  Because I wasn't feeling the urge to push and was exhausted from my long day, the doctor gave me fifteen more minutes to rest before pushing.
Around 9:15 the doctor came back in and they helped me get positioned to push.  Since I had recieved a diluted dose, I still had some ability to move so I was able to help them move me.  They got me all set up in the stirrups and about forty-five minutes later little Emy made her appearance.  It was a long, exhausting day.  I originally wanted to deliver without pain medication but with the pitocin making things more intense, I had to go with the flow and change my plan.
Looking back now, I am not sure I would have delivered vaginally if I hadn't received the epidural.  My body was too stressed and I was too exhausted to work with my body.  The best advice I have for expecting mothers is to be able to go with the flow.  Yes, it is good to have a plan but please do not get discouraged if you don't get to use that plan.  I had to choose what was best for me and my baby, even if it was something I really didn't want.