january 2nd.

a day i will never forget. its a first that we all knew would come just never thought it would be so soon. my wonderful husband went back to ft. dix, new jersey. i had the bittersweet task of taking him to the airport. it was nice to have the closure. to watch him walk away. but at the same time watching him walk away broke my heart because i know he won't be the same person when he returns. i hope he's mostly the man i married but i can't expect him to be exactly the same after iraq. if he completes his 400 days, training included, (he is determined that he'll come home early but i'm not counting on it) i won't see him for almost exactly a year. that scares me. our marriage is so new and so vulnerable. at this point all we can do is trust God. if we try to do this ourselves it will surely fail. please keep him in your prayers.

change of direction:
as most of you know jesse and i are newlyweds. we got married on october 30, 2008. if you'd asked us in september when we were getting married we would have said may of 2010. well then we changed our minds and arranged to get married the very next month. this confused people greatly. i know because lots of people asked the infamous "why?" well now i've finally figured out my answer. at first i wasn't sure how to explain our decision to other people. we prayed about it and felt that God approved so that was all that mattered. but other people didn't get that. it took talking to a couple of regular customers at work, who are now retired from the military, for me to realize why i had decided to reconsider the idea of getting married before jesse deployed. this is the answer i've decided on...
i wanted to marry the man i fell in love with and learn how to love his changes than to marry i man i didn't remember.
does that make sense now? not that it really matters now that we are legally husband and wife and he's gone but sadly i can't help but care what others think sometimes.

well this is how my day has gone. lots of thinking and some tears. i hope everyone is having a wonderful start to 2009. mine has definately been memorable...