Coming clean.

For weeks now I've had all these blog ideas bouncing around in my mind. I've even sat down to type them out before and the baby always seems to wake up the moment I get comfy. I want to post about the girls and all their new milestones and funny stories. I want to be open and honest about how I'm handling this deployment. I've thought of a couple of topics I'm passionate about and would like to get off my chest. And eventually I'm sure I'll get to write all those posts but right now there is something I just need to put out there. I pride myself in being transparent with the wonderful people who read my blog. What I'm about to say I've told very few people.

I think I am struggling with postpartum depression.

Whew I said it. Now don't get my wrong. I have no thoughts of harming myself, my children or anyone else. I really don't even feel 'depressed' per say. I just often spiral into overwhelming, irrational anger. I have outbursts, particularly with my toddler, that are uncalled for and out of line. I've been praying and trying to work on myself but it will be a long road to break what has now become a bad habit. I know this is not the mother I want to be or am called to be. I also know God is bigger than any imbalance in my brain. At this time I am not seeking counseling or medication. I don't feel I am to that point although I don't think counseling would hurt. I will try to update y'all periodically. Wish me luck.