frustrated.

i want so much to have a better relationship with my father. it really irritates me that i don't feel like i can truly be myself around him. however, i feel that every attempt i've made to open up or be more honest has failed miserably. it still ends in an adolescent lecture. i know that i am still young but i have moved into a new chapter of my life. i am married. i'm living on my own now. he doesn't pay for anything anymore. everything is in my name, including my vehicle. his lectures are burned into my brain, i do not need a reminder. is a two sided conversation too much to ask? i don't want to feel like i have to defend myself against him but that is how i feel. it makes me so sad...