.marriage.

as most young girls do i used to dream and fantasize about my wedding day. not that i have stopped but you get the point. but now that i am eighteen, the realization has hit me that marriage could be just a couple of years away and that now scares me. i never thought i would even imagine the words "i'm not ready" when thinking about marriage. i can't believe it but i'm not ready. i know that by being a cautious youth i missed out on alot of experiences, granted it might have been for the best, but i worry that i have been too cautious. my only adventures have been self-destructive ones. no crazy parties, no summer romances . . . just cutting and holding my nose as i down alcohol. that wasn't fun. that was me wanting to die. twenty years from now i don't want to be trying to live vicariously through my teenage children. but i'm not daring enough to put myself out there. when my worries come up a perfect song comes to mind:


She married when she was twenty
She thought she was ready
Now she's not so sure
She thought she'd done some living
Now she's just wondering what she's living for
Now she's feelin that there's something more

Is there life out there?
So much she hasn't done?
Is there life beyond her family and her home?
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares?
She doesn't wanna leave she's just wondering is there life out there?

She's always lived for tomorrow
But she's never learned how to live for today
Oh she's dying to try something foolish
To do something crazy or just get away
Oh something for herself for a change

Is there life out there?
So much she hasn't done?
Is there life beyond her family and her home?
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares?
She doesn't wanna leave she's just wondering is there life out there?

There's a place in the sun that she's never been
Where life is fair and time is a friend
Would she do it the same as she did back then?
Oh she looks out her window and she wonders again

Is there life out there?
So much she hasn't done?
Is there life beyond her family and her home?
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares?
She doesn't wanna leave she's just wondering is there life out there?
Oh, she doesn't wanna leave she's just wondering is there life out there?


I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON! now some of you would tell me that i'm too young to worry about such things but you are wrong. i'm the perfect age to worry. too many young people underestimate the power of the institution of marriage. why else do you think the divorce rate is so high? sure people "fall out of love" but chances are they just changed and their spouse changed and they were no longer compatible. i believe marriage is sacred. it is not something to take lightly. but i do plan on being married and having a family, so when else am i going to think about marriage? i'm two years into a serious relationship with a man i want to spend the rest of my life with. he's everything i could want and need and more. but now i'm not ready. of all people how did i end up with commitment issues lol. i continue to amaze myself. but i am sure . . . give me another year or two and this will pass, i will no longer be "too young."