Monday, April 14, 2008

.decorating life.

Preliminary Information.
I read a blog on "mom two's" site that talked about something she had heard. it was "how would you decorate your life." well her post was about her pondering what it meant which in turn made me wonder what i would do. that is what this post is for.

Decorating Life.
When I think of those two words together a visual comes to mind. I think of our mind being a house and God is walking from room to room, helping us mend any holes in the walls, or replacing the stained carpet. We must open every room to God. He is not a child that needs to be locked out of certain rooms for safety reasons or a stranger that some rooms might be to private for. He is our creator. He knows what we are hiding from him. We think we're smart and that if we just keep that door shut he won't know about the affair, or the porn, it the drunken nights . . . we are fooling ourselves.

Yesterday morning in Sunday school Julie asked us why it is easier to go to Hell than to Heaven, after we had decided that it was indeed easier, and one girl said that its because Satan is doing everything in his power to steal our soul and God is just patiently waiting to see what choice we make. "God is a perfect gentleman," I hear pastor say it all the time. But he is so right. And so was the girl, God just waits. He gave us free will to use it. He wants us to choose him. Not to idly say we are following him and never back it up with our actions or with the choices we make.

That is how I picture decorating my life. Truly letting God come in to each room and work on the imperfections and shortcomings that we all have as human beings. But there's a catch. Most people fix up a house to resale. Don't do that to God. Don't let him come in just to help put the pieces back together and then go sale yourself to the world. The changes won't stick and before long you'll be right back where you started. It's true, God will still be there waiting for you but you will be judged.

Now to climb off the soap box and kneel on my knees at the alter . . . I've fallen short, more times that I can count anymore. Life is unfair, bad things happen, I've made bad choices when I knew better. I've definitely put my free will to use but not in the way God wants me to. I've locked him out of a couple of rooms, more than once, let him come in to decorate and then locked him out again. I've tried to fool myself into thinking that I could fix certain things without him. It didn't work, truth is I can't fix anything without him.

I type this today as someone who is still falling apart from the choices I made. I still haven't completely let go, I am a work in progress, as is everyone, but sometimes I think I make him work too hard. I will be judged. Matthew 6:14-15 says "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." I haven't forgiven yet. There are still things I hold again people and it will inevitably put my eternity at risk.

So now you ask "Why haven't I forgiven them yet?" Good question. I don't know.

I want God to come in to every room and decorate my life but I keep putting it off. I even push it off in prayer. I say "other people need your help right now, I can wait" but the truth is . . . I can't. I need him now. I need his love, his strength, his peace and his change. Other people do need him but that is no reason to deny myself all of the wonderful things he has for me. It is time to put an end to this. If I don't things will only get worse from here . . .

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