I found this online and fell in love! Warning: It is long.
"We
are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that
she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. "We're taking a
survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
It
will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I
know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous
vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter,
trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will
never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical
wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her
with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I
consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without
asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every
house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving
children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your
child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish
suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a
mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her
cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle; or
her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel that I should
warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career,
she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for
child-care, but one day she will be going into an important business
meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to
use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make
sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every
day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's
desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's
will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of
clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and
gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child
molester may be lurking in that rest-room. However decisive she may be
at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking
at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she
will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same
about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to
her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save
her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to
accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I
want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will
become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will
change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how
much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who
never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she
will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very
unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel
with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and
drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally
about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the
threat of nuclear war to my children's future.
I want to describe
to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a
bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is
touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My
daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across
the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for
her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way
into this most wonderful of callings.
This blessed gift from God... that of being a Mother."
(By Brittney Maricle)
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