nights like tonight...

they are bittersweet.
tonight was our youth staff christmas party. we went to the general jackson and got to watch nashvegas on the river. it was amazing. it was wonderful to get to spend the evening with the other staff.
but tonight was also a rude reminder of what the next year will be like. to start off i got put at the "singles" table. i know it wasn't meant that way but it still hurt a little. then i got to look around at all the happy couples, arm in arm, and that hurt a little too. jesse is miserable where he is. he is fighting depression and praying he doesn't fail his psych evaluation. had he been here he would have been right beside me...yes probably still at the "singles" table but beside me none the less.
most of the time i can talk about it like its no big deal. so he's going to be gone, its just the way our marriage will work sometimes. this isn't a one time thing. but the reality of his absence hits me when i least expect it. like tonight. i went in expecting a great night and ended up crying all the way home. life just has a funny way of showing itself sometime.
i love my husband so much. hope everyone had a wonderful day.