sunday night's church service was much needed. the morning service was about how to get a fresh start. sadly i was a tad bit distracted by what 2009 has in store for me. this deployment has changed the way i process things. but in the evening service pastor talked about letting the baggage go. this hit home with me. i made a lot of major changed in my life in 2008. and i made a few dumb mistakes along the way. there are things i need to let go of. things that i'm not proud of. things that i promised myself i would never do.
its not the first time i've let myself down. my freshman year of highschool, if you had asked me if i would ever try alcohol i would have said absolutely not. if you had asked me when i would lose my virginity, i would have said my wedding night. i never guessed i would end up suicidal and self destructive. i was fifteen when i tried alcohol for the first time. i gave it up when i was sixteen. i was also fifteen when i lost my virginity. i gave away apart of myself to someone who wasn't meant to be. i've broken my own promises many times before.
but 2009 can be my fresh start. there are a few people who need to know about the mistakes i made last year but after i do that...i can start over. i'm young. hopefully, i have a long life ahead of me. there is no reason why i have to spend my energy worrying about past mistakes. i should learn from them and move on. its part of the reason i became youth staff. i don't want other young people going through what i have. or at the very least i don't want them to feel as alone as i did. its a new year, i'm in a new marriage, and my husband and i are facing our first deployment...there is hope!