the unknown.

here lately i haven't been feeling well. its pretty obvious the moment i start to speak. allergies have been wrecking havoc on my throat and my voice has been greatly affected. plus my stomach has been really upset. it just hasn't been a good couple of weeks but jesse has done everything possible to help me and to cheer me up. i love that boy so much. even the little things are AMAZING! i used to wish that i would find a guy who loved me for me. jesse is that guy. sometimes we irritate each other but at the end of the day...we just want to be together. even if we're pissed off and argueing. i can't wait to be his wife. i'm so excited. i know things will be rough and it will quite an adjustment for both of us but i've decided that nothing will change the dynamic of our relationship more than the military right now. jesse and i are getting to face a situation that is only a glimpse into what our future will be like. he will be deploying for the first time in just a couple of months and i'm scared. i know God will help me through this but there are so many unknowns. we have no idea what kind of contact we'll have. i think thats my biggest worry. we're used to spending time apart but we can usually get in touch with one another when we need to. i'm afraid of not having that. i'm afraid something horrible will happen and he won't be there. actually, i'm pretty sure he won't be there. its just so close...