Tuesday, August 19, 2008


in a previous post i promised to share something i wrote in church but said that i would add a footnote because of revelations i had had since i wrote the post. here they are...

promised post: (peace)
right now i have a lot going on and a lot of things going wrong but i have an amazing sense of peace that i haven't felt in quite some time. i know the feeling of peace is from God but its still strange to me. i should be frantic right now. worrying about finding the money for school and preparing for jesse to leave. dealing with my father, who's been worse than normal, and making sure jesse knows he's not alone. so many thoughts to consume and overwhelm me but God has granted me peace. its amazing how he works. i can't imagine where i would be without him. he has blessed me in so many ways. sometimes i let the negative bog me down so much that i forget to thank him for everything. i know that its my responsibility to try to meet him half way. i hope i'm not failing him.

promised footnote: (apathy)
i still have a lot going on, thats no lie. some of it i've brought on myself. but that is only a small portion of it. i need to work on my anger. i need to stop taking it out on jesse. the poor boy has done nothing but try to help me. i so don't deserve him, and no i don't say that because of the things my father screams at me. but something has changed. i don't think that its peace that i've been feeling. i still think God has amazing plans for me and i know that his timing will be perfect. as for all the things i'm dealing with...i'd say apathy is what i'm feeling. i've never felt so empty, so hollow, so numb.

additional footnote:
its also been well over a week since i wrote that footnote. i've ironed out the school issue. and may even have a place in mind to move to. i plan to contact the place tomorrow. but i still have a lot on my plate right now so prayers would be much appreciated. thank you...all of you.