in high school, despite being suicidal, i felt much more in control of my life. if i cried i knew exactly where the tears were coming from and if i got angry i knew why. now i emotionally bounce from high to low to numb and every where in between in a blink of an eye. very few see my mood swings. i hide them well. but my mind is screaming out for relief. the struggle to please everyone and still create a life that makes me happy is a hard one. i simply cannot please everyone and that shouldn't be my responsibility anyway. my only true responsibilities are to follow God and live the life he has planned for me. i feel like i'm failing. my thoughts cannot be pleasing to him. i have found very inspirational bible verse that i've been trying to keep dear
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14
i am in love with the verse. the simplicity of the request is very touching to me. i want it to be my prayer but i can't help but feel like i'm falling short. will i ever really get to where i want to be?? i'm sure i will. i just worry.