Punishment vs Discipline

[Mommy Mondays]

I went to my trusted Webster.com and I must say I was disappointment in what I learned.  Apparently, 'punishment' and 'discipline' are considered synonyms.  However to me they are not the same.

The definitions...
Punishment: suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution.
Retribution: the dispensing or receiving of reward or punishment especially in the hereafter
Discipline: (first the definitions I wasn't thrilled with) 1. to punish or penalize for the sake of enforcing obedience and perfecting moral character 3. to bring under control (and now the one I think of when I think of discipline) 2. to train or develop by instruction and exercise especially in self-control

While I was pregnant I put a lot of thought into what kind of parent I wanted to be.  I do not agree with how punishment and discipline was handled when I was a child so I wanted to learn about other parenting practices.  It's not that I think my parents were 'bad parents', it's just that the way they chose to discipline (mostly my father who was the main disciplinarian in my home) does not fit my parenting beliefs.  As I researched ways to discipline without using corporal punishment (because well corporal punishment was BIG in my house when I was a child) I realized that a lot of my parenting beliefs fall under a parenting theory known as Attachment Parenting (AP for short).  I bought the book Attached at the Heart and fell in love.

While I may not subscribe to all of the AP practices, I do wholeheartedly agree with the style of parenting.  As I read the book I felt my self-confidence rise.  I wasn't crazy for not wanting to spank my child.  I could still be a 'good parent' without subscribing to the lousy punishment practices from my childhood.  It gave me the faith to believe that you can discipline a child without the use of 'punishment'.  It was my experience as a child that corporal punishment can interfere with the parent-child bond.  Obviously that is not always the case as many families successfully use corporal punishment but it is not for me or my family.  It is not something I feel comfortable with nor does it feel natural to me.

The argument is that a child will not respect his/her parent if corporal punishment is not used.  I can tell you that I do not respect my father for the way he disciplined.  Honestly, it has attributed to my lack of respect for him.  I was spanked out of anger which is not recommended even for families who do subscribe to spanking.  I must admit that it is not simply the spanking though.  It was the verbal and emotional abuse that was also in play.



Of course I doubt any parent feels 'comfortable' or wants to spank their child but they feel it is necessary to do away with unwanted behaviors in their child(ren).  I am no expert nor do I claim to be but I feel every parent should follow their heart.  If corporal punishment doesn't feel right to you, don't use it.  Research other discipline techniques that you feel do feel comfortable with.  Trust your instincts and try to ignore the naysayers who try to convince you that things have to be done a certain way just because that's how they've always been done.

Oh forgetful me...

Seems I have missed two Mommy Monday posts.  You can think the illnesses that have been circulating.  First the whole family passed around a nasty stomach bug that was quickly followed with sinus issues.  Munchkin seems to be bearing the brunt of the sinus issues though as it seems one of her eyes has gotten infected.  We'll be taking her to the pediatrician today to be sure.  I'm so sorry I've been absent on here.  Hopefully we can kick the icky-ness and I can find myself again.

Spoiled?

[Mommy Monday]

Here is the defenition I found at Webster.com...

Spoiled: to impair the disposition or character of by overindulgence or excessive praise

Honestly I was a little saddened by the definition.  It really goes to show how our society views children.
Personally I do not believe you can spoil a child with love or attention.  I believe it is a parent's job to give a child as much love and attention possible.  I think it builds a connected relationship which is good for children.  They need to feel secure with their parents.
However, you can spoil a child with material things and a lack of boundaries.
I wish our society would get over the idea that children should only be shown a certain amount of affection or be held for a certain amount of time.  They are small for such a short amount of time.  Why not enjoy the cuddles?  It's only a matter of time before they're busy exploring the big world around them and don't have the time to be loved or cuddled.
Enjoy your babies!  Love them, cuddle them, hold them!  As much as they need!  Physical contact is a need for a baby and is essential for development!

Raising Gender Neutral Children?

[Mommy Monday]

I read an article about a family who is choosing not to tell the sex of their child.  You can read the story here.
I feel they are trying to accomplish something many parents want but just in a more extreme manner.  Let's be honest here...Society has expectations and some of them are ridiculous.
Yes I have a daughter.  We told everyone she was a girl from the day we found out.  We have a great deal of pink around.  It comes with the territory.  But I have no problem if anyone gets her 'boy toys' for her upcoming birthday.  I use to fish with my dad.  I had a bow and arrow as a child.  I would dress up in frilly dresses and go get dirty in the sand box.  I will not intentionally raise a 'girly girl'.  Nor will I force her to try to be a tom boy.  I simply want to let her be true to herself, whoever that turns out to be.  I believe the choice should be hers, even at a young age.
It's not that I want my child(ren) to be 'gender neutral' per say.  I just don't want to push society's expectations on them.  You only get to be a child once.  It is a short window before the pressures of society and the world come crashing down on a person.  I want to create an environment where she can safely explore herself.  Not in a sexual way, just in a 'hey who am I?' kind of way.
For so long women have fought for their rights to be equal to men and honestly I don't think we'll ever be.  Men and women are just created too different.  I'm not saying that's a good or bad thing.  Just the way it is.
I truly just want my child to be happy with herself.  I faced (and still face at times) so many insecurities.  My self-esteem is definitely lower than I would like.  I, of course, hope for better for Emberlynn.  When it comes time for school and she wants to wear 'boy clothes' so be it.  The reverse will hold true for if/when we have a son.  Will they get picked on, probably.  [Kids really can be mean but I think a lot of it has to do with parents pushing their own ideas/opinions/prejudices/fears on their children]  But honestly, they'll probably get picked on for something at some point in their life and I'd rather them be comfortable in their skin (or clothes) when it happens.  If you are being true to yourself and are comfortable with yourself, I find it is easier to let the criticism go.  It's harder to handle if you're trying so hard to be 'normal' and you still get ridiculed.  At least that's what I think.
Who am I to judge?  Honestly.  It's not my place even if it is human nature to do so.
I am no parenting expert by any means.  And who knows, my plan to be open minded might back fire.  It is not my job to worry about how other children are being raised (unless we're talking harm or abuse but that's a different story all together).  It is simply my job to do the best I can and trust in my God.

Introducing...

Finally!

Can you believe it?  I'm finally starting a weekly blog habit.  Starting with 'Mommy Mondays'.  I realize my blog has been overrun with 'mommy' things but this isn't going to be just an update on our life.  It is going to be a post about a specific parenting topic of my choice and my opinion on that topic.  I realize I am new to this parent thing but it doesn't mean I don't have opinions of what is best for my family/child(ren).  My goal is to give you insight into who I am by letting you get glimpses of how I hope to raise my children.  I say 'hope' and not 'plan' because I realize I must be flexible.  I hope you enjoy!

The first real 'Mommy Monday' post will start next week.